The Cost of Numbing: What We Miss When We Avoid Our Feelings
For years, I thought feeling less was the goal.
If I could just stay busy enough, successful enough, helpful enough… maybe I wouldn’t have to feel so much.
When I couldn’t outrun the emotions, I numbed them—through alcohol, through perfectionism, through constant movement.
And for a while, it worked.
Or so I told myself.
But here’s what I know now: the cost of numbing is steep.
And more often than not, it keeps us from the life we’re working so hard to create.
The Many Faces of Numbing
When people think of numbing, they often picture substances—alcohol, drugs, food. And yes, those can absolutely be forms of escape.
But numbing is more subtle than we give it credit for.
It can look like:
Being endlessly busy
Filling your calendar so there’s no room to think
Obsessing over work or success
Constantly “helping” others at the expense of your own healing
Scrolling endlessly on your phone
Striving for perfection in everything you do
Hiding behind humor or sarcasm
Saying “I’m fine” when you’re anything but
In short: numbing is anything we use to avoid sitting with what’s real—especially the feelings we’d rather not face.
What Numbing Costs Us
When we numb, it’s often because some part of us believes we can’t handle the feelings that might arise if we stop.
But the truth is, the more we avoid… the more we lose.
We lose clarity.
Because when we constantly distract ourselves, we can’t hear what our soul is trying to tell us.
We lose authentic connection.
Because it’s impossible to truly connect with others when we’re disconnected from ourselves.
We lose self-trust.
Because deep down, part of us knows we’re running from the truth—and it’s hard to respect ourselves when we’re in hiding.
We lose healing.
Because what we refuse to feel, we cannot heal.
And perhaps most painfully:
We lose joy.
Because when you numb the painful feelings, you also numb the good ones.
The Illusion of Control
One of the most deceptive forms of numbing is perfectionism.
It whispers:
“If I can just get everything right… then I won’t have to feel so wrong.”
It gives us the illusion of control—over our emotions, our relationships, even our worth.
But perfectionism is a mask. And masks may shield us from vulnerability… but they also suffocate us.
Eventually, life will crack that mask wide open. Through burnout. Through broken connections. Through exhaustion that no amount of “getting it right” can fix.
Why We Must Face What We Feel
When we allow ourselves to feel—fully, honestly—we begin to reclaim our lives.
We start to:
✅ Grieve what needs grieving
✅ Name what we truly want
✅ Heal old patterns that no longer serve us
✅ Reconnect with our bodies and intuition
✅ Build relationships rooted in truth, not performance
Feeling is not weakness.
Feeling is wisdom.
It teaches us what matters.
It guides us toward what we need.
It shows us how to live—not just exist.
My Journey From Numbing to Noticing
I won’t lie to you: learning to sit with my emotions after years of numbing wasn’t easy.
In sobriety, in healing work, in building Tevahri… there have been moments where old pain has surfaced and I’ve wanted nothing more than to run.
But I’ve learned this simple truth:
You cannot heal what you refuse to feel.
And each time I’ve chosen to feel—whether through tears, through journaling, through sitting in stillness—I’ve felt lighter. Freer. More alive.
Not overnight. Not perfectly. But more and more, one courageous moment at a time.
For You, If You’re Numbing
If any part of this resonates with you—if you’ve been numbing, avoiding, overworking, or over-serving others—I want you to know:
✨ You are not broken.
✨ You are not alone.
✨ You are worthy of feeling—and healing.
You don’t have to do it all at once.
You can start small:
Notice when you’re reaching for distraction.
Pause before you dive into busyness.
Ask yourself: What am I feeling right now? What might this be trying to show me?
Every moment of awareness is a step toward freedom.
Because the life waiting for you—on the other side of numb—is fuller, richer, and more beautiful than you can imagine.
You were made to feel.
You were made to heal.
And you are worthy of living wide awake.
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